Many a times we find ourselves in the middle of a heated argument with our spouse, fiancée, girl friend or partner. Kept within limits, a light squabble is fine sometimes.It adds a lot of juice to your relationship. Later on you can have a hearty laugh at the trivial things you fought for. It also brings to light the likes and dislikes of your partner. But most of the times, we really do not know how the argument kicked off and almost always, we have no clue as to how it would end up.
The darker side to having arguments is that both the individuals try to prove they are right. I mean.. how many times we have shouted at our partner saying:
“I’m right…and you are absolutely wrong…piss off…”
And the reply we get may be even more distasteful.
If we think with our cool minds…at some latter stage with a good grip on our senses, we realise that there are no winners in an argument. Well, a break up or a divorce is nothing but a by product of prolonged sessions of unhealthy arguments. A race to prove who is right and a race that no one has won till date.
But relationships are neither court rooms and individuals are neither advocates nor judges.
So what is the alternative to arguments? We need to set the record straight somehow…isn’t it?
I have read somewhere:
“Argument is to find out WHO is right and discussion is to find out WHAT is right”
That pretty much nails it.
We see so many relationships fail because the people involved are reluctant to understand or even hear what the other person is saying. We fail miserably to open gates to a healthy discussion that can solve a lot of issues between individuals. Diplomacy is not something that should be viewed as political…it makes a lot of sense to be diplomatic in relationships as well. Scaling down the principle of diplomacy from a national level to an individual premise makes sense all too well.
On a personal front and from a professional stand point, we need to have an open minded approach towards discussions that do not culminate into heated arguments. Arguments serves no purpose except for winning a case in a court of law.
In this fast moving world…where stress has become a way of life, we may loose our temper, ditch our cool and recklessly try to prove that we are right and the people standing on the opposite ends of our views are wrong. We may even shout to the very threshold of our vocal chords to cement our arguments…but as Steve Maraboli says-
“The volume of your voice does not increase the validity of your argument”
Discussions are healthy. When you sit down and exchange thoughts in a nonchalant manner, solutions turn up. But, if you persist with arguments, the only thing that pops up is more trouble.
There are no winners to arguments in a relationship. Because, either both the individuals end up winners and sail ahead. Or they can throw as much dirt as they like on each other and end up being sinking losers. The choice is left to the individual.
You sail or sink together in a relation. That is why being together is called “being in a relationSHIP“.
Author’s click by Dr. Vivek Vaidyanathan